Pracakien Screams Read online

At the edge of Mench’s indoor pond sat Ratie, Mench, and Ohgood in swimsuits. The pond was a football filed long and shaped like an hourglass, with half of it outside of the castle. It had 10 statues of her ancestors around the edge of the pond made from white, red, and black marble. The statues rose up 20 feet on top of square pedestals that had secret passageways inside of each that led to different parts of the castle. Behind the statues there was a massive cave that led to Pabkem city.

  Pabkem was a massive underground city of castles that went for 100 miles.

  In the center of the pond there was a sandy white island that had several blue leather couches scattered around. There was also a large 10 foot wide monitors and a brown mahogany table on the island that was shaped like a gargoyle and had a thick fur covered padding on it so you could put your feet up. There was also a large speaker sticking out of the sand that was playing the song,” I don’t want to lie, but I have to tell the truth,” by the Heavenless Angels. The song was about an aging playboy who finally finds a woman to love him, but she’s only looking to be friends.

  The Heavenless Angels are a group of 4 brothers who grew up dirt poor. The eldest Grawma swore on his 13th birthday after eating oatmeal seeds and water cereal for all of his life that he’d do whatever he had to, to be rich. Shortly after that he picked up the guitar and spent 6 hours a day for 10 years practicing

  until he was a virtuoso. Then he penned the song that would change his life titled,” I’ll unwrite your pain.”

  And within 2 weeks of recording it he and his brothers were the most successful band in the world.

  Ratie had on a black silk bikini and a white gold necklace. While Mench had on a silver one piece with the words,” Hope is my path to you,” written across it from the shoulder to her hip in black letters. Ohgood had on a pair of red satin shorts and a black plasma necklace that showed off his chiseled physique. All 3 were bare foot and were sitting with their legs in the warm water.

  “ This is beautiful, Mench, what a luxury to have your own pond,” said Ohgood warmly as he looked outside at the purple sky of the rising sun.

  “ Thank you, Ohgood, it was not by luck, but by choosing that I became queen. All these things I own are a wonder even to me. I would like to show you something,” said Mench as she reached over and grabbed a black plastic coffin shaped remote control and then pressed a grey button and said happily,” Fun is where you find it, Ohgood, and Ratie.”

  Then a man’s body with a dark blue Dolphin head burst out of the water and 20 feet into the air, known as a Shelpin robot. It had a man’s dark green eyes and a large smiling mouth as well as black computer ports on either side of its head with flashing lights on them. The Shelpin was thin and muscle bound and wearing only a pair of black satin pants and a gold necklace. The Shelpin landed next to Ratie and its stomach opened up and a tray with a bottle of Torbea, which was a purple fruit juice that was just the right bit of sweet and tart mixed with a pair of shots of scotch.

  “ Ah, should I drink it?” asked Ratie as she looked at the chilled Torbea.

  “ Of course, but not from the bottle there are cups in his stomach behind the bottle. Trust me you’ll like it,” said Mench as she smiled and rubbed her calves.

  “ Alright, huh well let’s see here,” said Ratie as she grabbed the Torbea and then saw the gold glass cups behind and set the bottle in the sand and grabbed 3 cups and said nervously,” I’m about to drink from a bottle in a man’s stomach huh. This is officially the weirdo zone.”

  Then Ratie poured 3 cups and everyone smiled at each other and took a drink. Ohgood and Ratie’s eyes grew wide and a smile came across their faces as they thought how delicious it was. Mench saw them and laughed and asked,” Was it your favorite poison?”

  Ohgood felt a bit of terror as did Ratie when she said this, but realized she was kidding.

  “ I’ve had deadlier, how ‘bout you, Ratie?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as she took another sip.

  “ Well considering I’m still breathing I say lame, it’s pure Lamesville. But I will say that it’s incredibly tasty and really has a wallop. Thank you, Mench,” said Ratie then she finished off her cup.

  “ Yeah, Mench, I’d say a vintage drink, poor poison thou. Can this robot do any other tricks or is he only a bartender?” asked Ohgood jokingly as he rubbed his cheeks in a circle and made a goofy face.

  Ratie saw this and smiled and asked,” You’re not losin’ it are you?”

  “ I hope not because this is way too much fun,” said Ohgood as he put both his hands on his forehead and made a shocked expression.

  “ I’ve got some tricks for you. Watch the Shelpin right here,” said Mench proudly then she pressed a gold and red pair of buttons on the remote control.

  Then the Shelpin began laughing and suddenly began spinning at tremendous speed sending sand in every direction as it disappeared into the sand. Then it was completely gone from view and Ratie said happily,” Nice trick, Mench.”

  The Shelpin’s head rose up between Ratie’s legs and she let out a yell and Ohgood yelled and asked slyly,” Who needs a hug from her new friend?”

  Then the Shelpin shot out of the sand and did 3 flips and landed on the island. Then he grabbed a brown leather case from beneath the sand and ran and jumped back over to 2 feet in front of Mench. Then he dropped the case and it unfolded when it hit the ground and revealed an entire lunch inside 4 pots, with Gake meatball subs, whipped mashed potatoes with country gravy, fruit filled red jello, and a Torbea pie that was 18 inches across.

  “ I thought we might eat right here so I planned ahead,” said Mench calmly then she pressed a button and the Shelpin’s chest opened up and he pulled out 3 plates, 3 forks, and 3 spoons and Mench took them from him and smiled and said,” We should eat before the food gets too cold or the Shelpin eats it. Either way I say we dine.”

  Ratie and Ohgood smiled and then Ratie said warmly,” Mench, I like you and I know I’m going to like this food too.”

  “ I second that, Mench, we’re having a great time. Even thou the Shelpin is making eyes with Ratie. Watch it, Ratie, he’s got lovin’ on his mind,” said Ohgood jokingly as he blocked Ratie from the Shelpin’s view.

  “ Ohgood, you rascal you know I don’t date robots, even if they are handsome and smell nice like my ex Dourug,” said Ratie slyly as she pushed Ohgood away from her.

  Then they filled their plates with food and ate all they could as the cave filled with a shimmering red light from the ovulating Hemdir fish.

  The Hemdir fish are yellow and black spotted barbell shaped see thru fish with a head like an Owl monkey. They have pulsed red and white eyes that dart sporadically every direction. They have a large sack of eggs beneath their heads that they only release when a certain number of their kind die. They also have an electrical bolt that shoots out of their backs straight up into the water killing any other fish that draws near. When ovulating they become bright red and they can fill a large space with red light.

  “ What oh crap is that making those fish red like that?” asked Ratie as she swallowed her whipped potatoes and looked at the glow in and around the pond.

  “ It’s the Hemdir fish they do that when they’re ovulating. They are a bit to catch, but make a nice morning omelet,” said Mench as she wiped her mouth with her forearm.

  “ Hemdir fish are cool, and yes I would like to catch them and cook them to death. I think I’ll dream of this for days,” said Ohgood over dramatically then he jumped and ran and dove into the water and tried to catch a Hemdir in his hands.

  “ Careful, Ohgood, they can shock you if you get too close!” shouted Mench as she stood up quickly and wiped the sand from her suit.

  “ What, oh Goarote I’m too full of pie to die just yet,” said Ohgood nervously as he started to swim back, but got shocke
d a little by the Hemdir and shouted,” These fish are too toxic for me, they’re well…shocking!”

  Then Ratie and Mench let out a sigh and laughed as Ohgood frantically swam back to shore. Then he ran out of the water and let out shrieks as he ran around Mench and Ratie and then flailed his arms and

  shouted,” Save me from the crazy fish! Please save me you big strong woman please!” and then said calmly,” So that wasn’t embarrassing at all.”

  The 2 women laughed and then Mench said happily,” We might want to go see how Famaron, Camtow, Solcrist, and Veata are fairing at the Micbub festival.”

  “ I’m all about the Micbub, but we need to not change our wet clothes, because it will be embarrassing when we get there,” said Ohgood jokingly as he shook his wet hair off getting Ratie and Mench in the face.

  “ That is a very valid point and in no way completely ridiculous and hysterical, but why stop there why not run into the festival stark naked. Don’t you think there’d be more than a few people dying to catch a glimpse of our glistening physiques hmmm,” said Mench sarcastically as she smiled a wide goofy grin and made different poses showing off her body.

  “ I’m with her, but Ohgood should wear a sock over his manhood or someone could die. Remember that time in the Gamazon there’s 50 villagers who’ll never forget,” said Ratie sarcastically then she looked at Ohgood’s crotch wide eyed and pointed with her index finger.

  “ I do remember so many died that day needlessly. Oh I don’t wanna go back to that place. I’m too young to have seen so much. Please, Ratie, Mench, tell a joke quick to rid me of the memory,” said Ohgood as he pretended to be distraught.

  “ Why are so many people in coffins in graveyards?” asked Mench quickly as she grabbed Ohgood’s shoulders.

  “ Why, why please tell me, Mench,” pleaded Ohgood as he looked at her wide eyed.

  “ Because the slaughterhouses were filled. Now hug an old woman who tires of loneliness,” said Mench warmly then he hugged Ohgood who was trying not to laugh as Ratie cracked up.

  “ Even your hug fails to rip away that awful day, but at least there’s still potatoes to drown my sorrows in,” said Ohgood sadly as he rolled his eyes at Ratie and squeezed Mench tightly.

  “ Yes, Ohgood, release your pain into Mench’s bosom. Let me wash it away,” said Mench warmly as she kissed his cheek and squeezed him tightly.

  Then Ohgood felt a bit uncomfortable with Mench’s affections and slowly let go of her and said coyly,” Boy those taters won’t stay warm for long. Hate to break up the lovefest but…”

  “ You’re no fun, Ohgood,” said Mench as she let go of Ohgood and patted his chest.

  “ Didn’t I tell you, I’ve got 37 girlfriends in various stages of relationships that I’d never even dream of cheating on. It’s just not moral and not what I’m about. So that said I need a mouthful of potatoes,” said Ohgood jokingly as he walked over and grabbed a spoonful of potatoes and ate it and let out a sigh and smiled at Mench.

  “ How ‘bout 38, studly, old women are wise women. C’mon poor, Ohgood, you look so lonely,” said Mench warmly as she played with Ohgood and batted her eyes.

  “ I would, but I fear my studliness would kill you dead. And I couldn’t have your death on my conscience. Now let’s finish these taters and hit the Micbub,” said Ohgood slyly as he ate another spoonful.

  “ Oh that’s a laugh, but you think about it when I’m not around and we’ll keep it our secret hmmm,” said Mench calmly as she grinned and waved her hands in front of her body showing off her figure.

  “ I would if I didn’t have so many other things I don’t need to think about at all. But that said you are one tempting young lady. Who knows you cook and no doubt have many skills like hard kicks or harder slaps things a man like me can never get enough of. Now I think it’s Micbub time!” said Ohgood excitedly as he threw his plate into the pond and yelled.

  “ Oh the humor of a young man’s heart. It always gets my motor runnin’. Alright then we’re off to Micbub,” said Mench then she turned and pressed a button on the remote control and a red 4 seater small car known as a Borm rode up thru a secret passageway in the cave wall right up next to her.

  The Borm was shaped like a small elephant and had 4 large black rubber tires on the sides. It also had a laser canon on the front and black leather seats with built in massagers.

  “ Who wants to drive?” asked Mench brightly as she opened the 4 doors with heat from her hand and smiled.

  “ I’ll just crash, it’s you or Ohgood,” said Ratie as she hopped in the back.

  “ Ohgood, hmm,” said Mench with a sultry voice and wry smile.

  Ohgood laughed and smiled and said slyly,” I’ll drive, but I can only guarantee I’ll live. You 2 could end up on those cave walls there.”

  “ Sounds like fun let’s go,” said Mench warmly as she sat down in the passenger seat as Ohgood walked around to the other side.

  Then Ohgood grabbed the steering wheel and pressed the accelerator button with his foot and off they went into the tunnel. They went half a mile past giant statues of Mench and her family that rose up 70 feet and were carved into the cave walls. Then they went into a large castle’s art gallery. It had 100 foot high paintings of bloody battles like the Fons war.

  The Fons war was between the Sands and Meseum and lasted over 100 years. It took the lives of 69 million Sands and 23 million Meseum. It started over a then commodity called Geasalt. Geasalt was a red powder that when mixed with cold water turned into a massive energy and strength increaser that lasted for weeks. It also cleared up blurry and weak vision and retarded the aging process. The Meseum were the owners and harvesters of the Geasalt mines, but the Sands wanted it all for themselves fearing it would someday run dry. They sent in 200,000 troops to take the mine by force, but the Meseum caught wind of the plot and a bloody battle took place in the mine. The following day the Fons war spread out over all of Genver and soon Permea. It ended 100 years to the day when the great Sands general Bordaci Cream put a laser pistol to his head and said softly,” If a thing of beauty must pass into ugliness, then we all are passing today, be Sands be terror,” then he shot himself in the head and died on the spot.

  There were also petrified Baatolds and a statue of a Sarg eating a donut while smiling among various other works of art. The floor was a black and red stripped marble with a picture of Mench in the center. On either side of the room were changing rooms with closets full of expensive clothes.

  The Borm weaved in and out of the statues and glass cases and then skidded to a stop and Mench said quickly,” Grab some clothes, I’ll race ya.”

  Then Mench tore out of the Borm as did Ratie and Ohgood behind her towards the changing rooms. Ohgood caught up to Mench and shouted,” There’s too much young and dumb for you to beat me!”

  Then Mench extended her arm out to Ohgood’s chest and tried to hold him back and couldn’t. So she grabbed his crotch and he stopped in his tracks as she ran into the changing room and yelled,” I’m too old to care, youngin!”

  “ She goosed me,” said Ohgood in disbelief as Ratie ran by.

  “ She’s in love with ya, Ohgood,” said Ratie as she ran into a different changing room.

  Then Ohgood walked casually into his own smiling and shaking his head. They each put on some clothes with Mench in a pair of black silk dress pants and a white cashmere sweater and black sneakers. While Ratie put on a baby blue t-shirt and a pair of white canvas painter’s pants that had the words,” Love the other guy,” sewn across the butt, as well as a pair of black Tork sneakers, which had a built in pack of gum and a flask of an energy drink. Ohgood came out in a burgundy cardigan sweater and a white silk t-shirt underneath as well as a pair of black and blue jeans that were painted like an oncoming storm and a pair of dark red l
eather Tork men’s sneakers with a small can of a powerful coffee on the heal.

  “ Well everyone looks presentable and I noticed, Ohgood, you chose black pants like me, its’ a sign, handsome,” said Mench playfully as she smiled.

  “ An we’re both breathing air, it’s a sign, gorgeous,” said Ohgood smoothly as he grinned at Mench.

  “ Is it Micbub or isn’t it, I’m too dressed up to just stand here,” said Ratie defiantly as she scowled and tapped her foot.

  “ Micbub,” said Ohgood and Mench in unison as they looked at Ratie then each other and smiled.

  They walked down to the end of the room and into a revolving elevator. Inside it had pink satin stripped walls and 3 square glass cases built into the walls with each having either drinks, snacks, or smokes. The ceiling was round and filled with the hologram of a night sky. There was also a keypad with different holographic pictures of what was on each floor as well as numbers 1 thru 70 beneath it. As they stepped in Mench pressed floor 53 and the elevator began to rise as it slowly turned around 180 degrees.

  “ They look tasty,” said Ohgood as he opened a glass case and took a strawberry glazed Gake sis kabob and then took a bite and said happily,” and they are 10 fold. You should try one, ladies.”

  “ I would, but I’m watching my figure. Need to look my best for, Ohgood,” said Mench warmly then she winked at Ohgood.

  “ I’m watching your figure right now. I say have one,” said Ohgood coyly as he smiled and ate.

  “ I’d have one, but you two are starting to creep me out. I mean really enough sexy talk,” said Ratie as she shook her head.

  “ We’re only kidding, Ratie, just a bit of fun,” said Mench as she raised her left eyebrow and smirked.

  Then the elevator doors opened to the outside and they saw the Micbub festival sprawled out before them for 5 miles into Genver. There were hundreds of large 40 story high rides and scary houses, as well as thousands of games and food huts and specialty huts like the angry uncle booth, where an elderly white long haired man would randomly shout insults at people in the hopes of getting them to buy these chocolate covered rubber balls and throw them at him as he ran around his tiny outdoor booth. This booth was so popular that the old man named Veric Coal mad enough money at the Micbub each year that he didn’t have to work and spent his time on permanent vacation. There were also several large robots that would give you rides around the city inside their heads in comfortable cushioned recliners.

  “ O.K., Mench, what are the chances we’ll ever find Solcrist and the rest of them in all that?” asked Ohgood as he walked towards the massive festival.

  Then up walked Solcrist and Veata and Solcrist said warmly,” Hello everyone, you all look like a tailor’s dream. Where did you acquire all these fine clothes?” asked Solcrist as he looked over at Mench and smiled.

  “ I gave them these clothes, because they kidded around with me and showed me no respect and I loved every minute of it. And you, Solcrist, might want to do the same if you want any presents,” said Mench playfully as she batted her eyes at Solcrist and smiled.

  “ Oh dear woman, I haven’t given a person their due respect since I was 8 years old and my father told me to speak loud or shut up. So, I say this, Mench, you are a geyser of sexuality and I’d love my presents now,” said Solcrist firmly as he grinned mischievously at Mench who laughed and smiled.

  “ What, are you horning in on my action, Solcrist? Just when I was praying you would. Thank you all powerful Goarote!” said Ohgood excitedly as he jumped up in the air and flailed his arms wildly.

  “ Pay no mind you need a man who has a bit of seasoning. Instead of a mother’s boy who couldn’t appreciate your complexities. Won’t you take my arm and let me escort you to the festival, beautiful?” asked Solcrist softly as he extended his arm with Ohgood behind them still jumping up and down and yelling.

  “ I would love too, age is just a cell they’d put us in, Solcrist, my sweet, but we won’t let ‘em,” said Mench warmly as she took his arm and smiled.

  “ Hey, Ohgood, snap out of it you’re off the hook,” said Ratie as she grabbed Ohgood by the arm.

  “ Oh, well Micbub me and we’ll find the center of the universe and a Gake steak sandwich up yonder. Says I, as I ponder the meaning of it all,” said Ohgood in a pompous voice as he pursed his lips and sucked in his cheeks and looked at Ratie with one eyebrow raised.

  “ Yeah, I’m a bit hungry too,” said Ratie plainly as she walked off leaving Ohgood behind her smiling.

  They waded into the sea of people with Veata smiling in wonderment at it all. Then they walked near to Veric Coal’s insult booth and Veric saw Veata and shouted,” Excuse me fine lady, were you born of a

  Sarg and gargoyle cause god ran out of ugly sticks on that face! And you young man, does that moronic head of yours know that you need to clean that strip of crap off your butt, cause we’d sure appreciate the gesture!”

  Veata and Ohgood looked at Veric in anger and then Veata said sternly,” Watch your mouth you old washed up fool.”

  “ Washed up, we’d love if you’d wash off a pound of that makeup so we can tell if you’re a woman or an ugly man!” said Veric snidely as he smiled and danced around and the crowd laughed.

  “ Look who’s talkin, just how drunk were you when that vegetable car rolled over your face,” fired back Ohgood as he grinned.

  “ Not as drunk as I’ll be as I drink away the memory of you 2 Sargs mutants. What are you brother and sister, or is it pa and ma I think we deserve the truth ‘cause you both have a dullards eye and a gargoyles breath,” said Veric snidely as he stared wide eyed at Ohgood and Veata and waved his hands beside his face and the crowd burst into uproarious laughter

  “ Look you shriveled up sack of rotten potatoes I’ve seen you before today it was in a vat of Baatold dung as I yelled down to ya, you want that gold coin you better find them keys. When I think of that look of shear glee and dung on your face as you found ‘em I always think what an idiot he must’ve been, since he seen me throw them in there in the first place,” said Ohgood snidely as the crowd laughed as loud as they could and Veric glared back nervously.

  “ Are you sure young dumb, because as I remember it it was your younger brother there beside you. And he wasn’t looking for keys he thought he’d found the fountain of youth. Boy the surprise on his face when you took a mouthful of that dung, I cherished it all of my days. I wanted to ask you is it chewy or chunky, we’re dyin’ to know,” shot back Veric as again the crowd laughed.

  “ It’s neither to a man like you seein’ as you eat it breakfast lunch and dinner. You even snack on it in between meals in the hopes it might turn to chocolate in your mouth. Wait, yes now I remember aren’t you the guy called Dano the dragon lover. Remember you in a field bone deep in an unsuspecting dragon with not a speck of clothing trying to find that fountain of youth as I recall it. Then not but one day later he was caught again this time it was bone deep in a knothole in the castle’s walls and when they asked him why he did it, he said they were the only ones that have him. Go ahead you near death coot, enlighten us,” said Famaron smoothly as he walked up to the booth and stood beside Ohgood.

  This caused the crowd to laugh uncontrollably and Veric said anxiously,” Now everyone, calm down calm down, you ain’t bested me you little brat. You hold on a second I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”

  “ What are you gonna shoot a rocket or fire a gun. How will we ever know when this insults comin’? I know you can send us all a letter with the words, here it comes, on the outside, but be careful we know about your penchant for dung and he will have to lick it shut. But give that no never mind cause it won’t get old that it took him a week to get his final live brain cell to work!” said Ohgood boldly as he tried not to laugh while everyone in the crowd was balling. br />
  Veric began to sweet and his thoughts were of how embarrassed he was he couldn’t think of a comeback as his mind froze up.

  “ You look perplexed old man, try a shower every couple of weeks it will get those flies off your butt while your cleaning the gold dust off my shoes. Go ahead, Geezer, scrap up some nickels and I’ll find your tooth,” said Ohgood coldly as Veric looked at him perplexed and nervous and then Famaron said,” O.K. why do we try some of the other booths I think we won this one.”

  “ Works for me, see ya,” said Veata brightly as she smiled at Veric and then they all walked away as the crowd cheered.

  “ Famaron, that was amazing were you listening in?” asked Ratie as she walked next to Famaron.

  “ I was, I saw the whole thing transpire and knew I could take out that geezer. How long have you been here?” asked Famaron as he looked around.

  “ We just arrived, we had hoped to find you in all this madness. Where is Camtow?” asked Mench as she rubbed Solcrist’s arm and smiled up at him.

  “ She went to get us a pair of Gutros, but I’m not sure which way she, oh here she is,” said Famaron as he saw Camtow walking up to him thru the crowd with 2 Gutros in her hands.

  Gutros are similar to Sheppard’s pie, but have steak and cheese in them. And they are packed together in a square and covered with thick country gravy. Then put on a stick with a round brown paper piece around the stick so they don’t drip.

  “ Who’s hungry now?” asked Camtow playfully as she smiled and handed Famaron his Gutros.

  “ Not I, hey look who I found milling about and causing trouble,” said Famaron then he bit into the Gutros and let out a sigh.

  “ Hey everybody, it’s great to see you all. Ya know there’s a great game called Soutac up in the boardwalk if you’re interested,” said Camtow warmly as she looked at everyone and smiled when she saw Mench holding onto Solcrist’s arm.

  Soutac is a 12 person game with 2 rows of 6 battling their way to the top of this mountain, slash castle obstacle course that goes up 7 stories. You all start at a different entrance and then race thru the tunnels, rooms, jungle, and even the desert set up as you race to the top. Along the way if you find the Soutac itself, which is a petrified head of an ancient Sands healer by the same name, then you get half of the winner’s prize. But if no one finds it the first person to grab the crystal sword and thrust it into the golden

  keyhole in a massive stone wall and run in and throw the victory lever wins the grand prize of a suit of armor made of gold with a diamond studded face plate and sack of coins. Then you would be lifted high into the air as a massive light show went around you and the song,” The poor man pays for the rich man’s sorrows with laughter,” by the Dive bombing Konno’s.

  “ We’re more than interested. I love a good game can we all play at once?” asked Veata.

  “ Yes, you can have 12 people play at once. And, there are 2 large prizes that can be won. One if you reach the top first and another if you find this petrified head called a Soutac before someone gets to the top,” said Camtow as she looked at everyone.

  “ Is it really someone’s head because that would be Boasup?” asked Ohgood excitedly as he grinned.

  “ What is this Boasup?” asked Mench firmly as she squinted at Ohgood.

  “ It’s just an expression that means great like if you were to say my former lover Ohgood was Boasup then you’d be totally correct,” said Ohgood slyly as he grinned at Mench.

  “ Oh really, well I wouldn’t want to say a thing like that without actually knowing for myself if it was true. We will see, Ohgood, I’ll have to catch you at a weak moment to varooom,” said Mench slyly as she let out a pur and grabbed Ohgood’s butt.

  Ohgood hurried away and said happily,” I’ve got to let jokes die more often.”

  “ That is the biggest truth of all time,” said Ratie as everyone laughed.

  Then they walked for a minute and came to the Soutac mountain and got into line. The mountain looked like several different worlds, with a city portion at the start with several building fronts. Then you saw a dense jungle a fifth of the way up with several red nests on the outside with Boogleas climbing on it.

  Boogleas were a dark red leather skinned ape like creature with a white bald head that looked like a very old man. They were 4 feet tall and had short arms and legs and a long torso. They also had large round light blue eyes that looked emotionless.

  Then a bit further up the mountain there was a pure robotic technological floor, with every kind of robot and computer screen known to man as well as several holograms of creatures from ancient history like Bumi.

  Bumi were an ancient race of 2 foot high green skinned people who were known to have walked Permea 100,000 years before man had. Their miniature city of Boutong was discovered in a small field with mini skyscrapers and statues that were 10 feet tall of Duhbu their ruler, and even a mini railway thousands of years before there was any technology on Permea. ON one of the statues of Duhbu it read,” I caught the sunshine napping so I pummeled it senseless.”

  There were another 10 floors on the mountain of everything you could imagine, with a 20 foot stone castle at the top with the face of Mench on the front in full color.

  “ Hey, Ohgood, is your last brain cell dead yet, I thought I heard a crack?” asked Ratie sarcastically as she pointed to his head and rolled her eyes.

  “ Died weeks ago I’m runnin’ on pure fumes. How ‘bout you has any of your brain grown in yet or is it still a cavern up there?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he tapped gently on Ratie’s forehead and squinted at her.

  “ What I couldn’t hear you over the echo in my head,” said Ratie quickly as she put her hand to her ear.

  “ I said you ate too much dung as a child!” yelled Ohgood into her ear.

  Everyone laughed and then Ratie said bluntly,” I couldn’t help it all the cool kids were doin’ it.”

  “ That excuse is so lame, I know your packrat nature you just couldn’t bear to let those meals go,” said Ohgood jokingly as he looked at Ratie straight faced.

  Then they got to the front of the line and a computerized sign said in red letters,” Next 12 get to play.”

  “ Hey, we’ll all get to play at the same time. That was lucky don’t you think?” asked Camtow brightly as she hugged Famaron.

  “ Luck is where god gets a conscience. Destiny is where a wise man finds his thoughts. Goarote has a plan for us all today,” said Solcrist coldly as he stared up at Soutac mountain.

  “ Yeah, that wasn’t a bit to stern or creepy at all,” said Ohgood as he grinned at Solcrist.

  Solcrist smiled slightly and then said calmly,” It takes a firm mind to shatter your soft thoughts. Today, Ohgood, see life for what it is.”

  “ Which is?” asked Ohgood as he paid the teller at the front of the line.

  “ Magnificent in every instance remember my friend,” said Solcrist in a booming voice then he smiled at Mench.

  Then everyone paid and went to their starting positions and stood in front of different colored large rectangular doors with golden press in door handles. Above each door were the words,” The prize is very close, but the glory is closer,” written in black cashmere letters. Beside each door sat a small gargoyle statue with a red breath mint on its tongue.

  “ Hey a breath mint don’t mind if I do,” said Famaron then he grabbed the breath mint and as he did the gargoyle’s mouth snapped shut on his fingers and Famaron pulled his fingers back quick and shouted,” You devious little bugger!”

  Then Ohgood yelled over,” It got me too, Famaron!”

  Then Famaron laughed slightly and waved his finger at the gargoyle and said sternly,” I’ll take care of you later.”

  Then a booming voice said snidely,”
Be prepared to meet your doom and greet your god. As I speak to you here for quite some time. The Soutac starts now.”

  Then everyone pushed on the door handles and as the doors swung open they saw women in green dress suits dancing with men in the same suits. Then a blast of spellbound smoke shot at all 12 contestants and stuck to their bodies except for their eyes while a up tempo piano ballad was being played in a large red booth to the left. The smell as they entered was of a busy metropolitan area, with food being cooked and the smell of cigarettes.

  “ This is hysterical,” said Ohgood as he ran into the first section and in between the dancers and then he stopped and said softly,” wait ah minute, I get half of I find the Soutac. I’ll let them run to the top.”

  Then Ohgood began looking around the room with the piano and saw a green envelope that had,” Tips,” written on it in blue and he picked it up from under the piano stool. Then he opened it and it read,” Hey smarty pants you didn’t just run on past. So I’ll tell you where the Soutac is at so you can finish last and win half the cash. It’s in the desert under the statue of Gorwin the Bulbous in a leather sack. Hurry now or they’’ be too fast.”

  “ Whoa, I know where it is time to hustle,” said Ohgood quickly then he darted out of the room and out into a black steel tunnel with a padded floor.

  As Ohgood ran up the curving tunnel suddenly rubber fists began shooting at him out of the walls. The first of which hit him square in the jaw and the second in the ribs and he winced in pain.

  Meanwhile Veata was in the technology floor where there were robots throwing chocolate baseballs shaped crème filled objects at her, as she tried to drive a mini helicopter over a pit of gargoyles and a rose colored Baatold. The robots were on discs that came out of the metallic silver walls. And there was a man behind a glass wall aiming a high powered air gun at her and smiling as she drew near. Then Veata got nailed in the cheek and it splattered over her whole face and she said defiantly,” It’ll take more than that to beat me!”

  Then she flew a bit further and the man behind the glass blasted her with the air gun and it sent her flying thru the air and into a robot on the right side. She righted the helicopter, but as she flew a bit further the engine began to sputter and then it stalled. She fell straight down on top of the gargoyles and crushed 4 of them to death. Then the gargoyles swarmed her and she used all her strength to fend them off as she waded towards the other side and she said sadly,” There’s bad news and there’s this unbelievable weird.”

  Up ahead Mench was in the jungle level where there were dozens of Boogleas doing flips and twists in the trees while a 6 foot Sarg sat on a raft in the middle of a pond with a bow and arrow that had balls filled with a blue sticky paint on the ends of the arrows. There were carved wooden statues of Mench’s ancestors on either side of the pond. Mench looked around and saw she had to take a small canoe to get to the other side that was tied to a tree. She waded into the water and felt a hand grab her ankle and she calmly shrugged and said sadly,” Nice grip, but I only date entire bodies.”

  Then she climbed into the canoe and as she did got shot right in the butt by one of the Sarg’s arrows. The arrow exploded on impact and the blue paint covered her butt and she glared at the Sarg who smirked and then fired another one. Mench let out a sigh and dove into the canoe and the arrow sailed by missing her and hitting a Boogleas in the head. The Boogleas let out a shriek and then flailed its arms wildly.

  Mench grabbed the paddles and began paddling with her back to the Sarg. As she got hallway across the Sarg opened fire with 2 arrows at once. They hit Mench in the shoulder and lower back and covered her in paint and she shouted in exasperation,” I just got these clothes you wretch!”

  In the next room next to Mench’s there was Solcrist fighting off a pair of men in black buffalo like costumes. They had long green spears that had mini electrical shockers at the tips of them who were repeatedly stabbing at him as he fought them back with his staff. The room he was in was similar to Mench’s, but it had a stone path beside the pond you could walk across on and then was a gargoyle with pressure grenades sitting on a small island.

  Pressure grenades were dark brown barrel shaped steel hand sized cases filled with a large amount of pressure and gas. When they exploded they could throw a pair of men 10 feet in the air.

  “ Stand down or I’ll destroy you!” thundered Solcrist as he hit one of the men in the head with his staff.

  Then Solcrist kicked the other hard in the chest sending him reeling, but the other saw this and stabbed Solcrist’s leg with his spear and Solcrist shouted,” Oh Goarote did that hurt!” and then said sternly,” I would be careful if I were you, sir.”

  Then the man looked at Solcrist for a second nervously and then threw his spear and shrugged his shoulders and walked away. The other man looked at Solcrist and saw the fierce look in his eye and threw his spear and ran off.

  “ Cowards know only cowardice and never Goarote’s reward,” said Solcrist snidely, but as he said it the gargoyle threw a pressure grenade at him and it hit just behind him and exploded.

  The blast blew Solcrist all the way to the other side of the room as he sailed 6 feet above the ground. He did a forward flip and landed on both feet, spun his staff in his hand and said plainly,” Gargoyles are lunch meat.”

  Then he walked up the stairs to the next level. Meanwhile Ohgood was just entering the desert level. There was a large red sand waterfall on the right side of the room that had a pair of yellow and purple lights shining thru from a cave behind. There was a dark brown Baatold sitting on a rock cliff beside the waterfall with his legs dangling off the edge and a large slingshot filled with mini pressure grenades, smiling to himself. Beneath the waterfall there was a pair of white gargoyles standing in the sand with shock pellet pistols in their hands. On the left side of the desert there were 2 dozen large and small statues of famous people from the past sticking out of the sand with the largest 9 feet tall. There was also a green water stream at the far end of the room surrounding the stairwell to the next floor. The walls of the room were covered in a thick blue carpet and there was sand everywhere else.

  Ohgood took a quick look and saw the white gargoyles and Baatold and grimaced and said sadly,” I just know you 3 are trouble, but I’m only here for the Soutac, which is in one of those statues.”

  Then Ohgood shrugged his shoulders and sprinted towards the statues. As he did the Baatold began to swing its slingshot above its head at tremendous speed and then released the mini pressure grenades.

  Ohgood saw this and ran and jumped behind a statue. The grenades hit all around him blowing 3 statues to pieces and a 3rd high into the air. After the explosions stopped Ohgood looked up and saw a few feet away a leather sack in a hole where one of the statues had been and said happily,” I’m gonna miss you Gorwin, but not ‘til I’m dead.”

  Then he scampered over to the hole and grabbed the leather sack and then ran towards the stairwell. The Baatold was still reloading its slingshot, but the gargoyles were taking dead aim. They fired round after round of the shock pellets. One hit Ohgood’s forearm and he shouted out in pain and proceeded to run even faster as he said sternly,” Gargoyles should be extinct already Goarote!”

  Then he got hit in the back as he jumped over the stream and again shouted in pain as he landed on the other side. Meanwhile the Baatold had reloaded and began to swing its slingshot. Ohgood saw this and said sadly,” Oh great, get movin’ Ohgood!”

  Then Ohgood started up the stairs just as the Baatold slung the pressure grenades. Then a pair of them landed behind Ohgood and the force of the blast propelled him up the stairs and into the floor with a large ballroom filled with 2 dozen men and women dancing while wearing lavish formal dress and full headdresses. The walls had holograms of a pair of famous battles being projected 3 feet in front of them.
The wars were known as the,” Identical ache wars,” as they were 100 years apart and between the Meseum and Haborm with the Meseum winning both by abducting and killing the then Haborm ruler. The floor was red swirling marble and had several large circular area rugs attached to it with hooks. At the far end there was a trio of black wooden rounded doors standing side by side with gargoyles in front of each. The song,” I can’t love a memory anymore,” by The Liars in Truthsville, played in the background.

  “ O.K. this is officially the greatest game I’ve ever played. Don’t you think so Soutac?” asked Ohgood as he opened the sack and saw the smiling petrified head of Soutac and felt a chill go down his back and said sarcastically,” Maybe we shouldn’t talk so much, back in the sack for you and your demonic smile I decree.”

  Then Ohgood put the Soutac back in the sack and started crossing the room, but as he did each of the dancers he passed grabbed hold of him and held him as he tried to fight them off.

  Meanwhile Ratie was 1 level from the top inside the lower floor of the castle. In the room were piles of brown leather cases and books as well as dozens of tiny chairs with pages of random books scattered all over the floor. There were also a dozen busts of Mench 6 per side sticking out of the walls. In between the busts were 6 inch wide black holes in the wall that were puffing out thick smoke and making a humming sound. The ceiling had a black carpet all over it except for a 5 foot wide glass window into the prize room where the golden suit of armor and the gold coins could be seen.

  “ That looks like a sweet day’s worth of pay dirt Goarote old chum. You can go ahead and give it to me now if you’re not busy, I won’t tell,” said Ratie as she looked up at the prizes and then she looked at the room and said nonchalantly,” well, screw it I’m goin’ for it.”

  Then she started to run across the room weaving in and out of all the cases. Then suddenly the lights went out and the holes in the walls began blasting out Sisxes at Ratie, which was a 6 inch exploding blue doll that looked like a and when it hit you would make you either dizzy, nauseous, angry, or you’d burst into laughter as the gas inside hit your nostrils. After Ratie got a few steps she got hit in the side of the face by the Sisxes and she instantly felt nauseous and threw up. Then she got hit by another in the back and started to wobble as she felt a rush of dizziness and said softly,” Not good, not good Ratie.”

  Then she regained her balance and tore off towards the white marble spiral staircase on the far end of the room. A pair of Sisxes whizzed by her head and she said boldly,” H ha nice try.”

  Then she jumped over a pile of books and got hit in the right breast by a Sisxes and felt a great anger and shouted,” Don’t mess with me now, I’m toxic soup!”

  But then another one hit her in the nose as she slipped and when she hit the floor she clutched her hip and began laughing uncontrollably and then said happily,” Oh that hurt really bad, but I am too happy to care ha ha.”

  Then she began to crawl the last few feet to the stairs laughing still as Sisxes flew over her head. Then she got hit with another one and felt dizzy, but she didn’t inhale a large breath so it only lasted for a second. Then she stopped laughing and raced up the stairs and into the final chamber.

  There were a trio of rounded interconnected stone walls with rubber men hanging from shackles in black torn clothes on the right wall. While on the left were photos of all the past winners with little red lighted pedestals holding the photos. Beneath the photos there was a collection of dolls of young children that were left at the ride over the years. In front of Ratie there was the crystal sword hovering above the stone ground inside a cushion of air and light, with a large stone wall behind it with a golden keyhole and the words,” Luck can’t change itself so hurry,” written in silver above the door. There were 2 statues of Mench on either side of the door showing her holding a laser machete on one hand and a large laser machine gun in the other.

  “ Pay dirt!” said Ratie excitedly then she went over and grabbed the crystal sword.

  She smiled and hurried over to the keyhole and thrust the sword inside. Then the door crumbled into rubble and Ratie stepped over it and into the room where the large black lever sat on top of a golden 4 foot tall pyramid. The room had dozens of staffs and swords filling the room. She grabbed the lever and pushed it forward quickly. Then suddenly the song,” A poor man pays for the rich man’s sorrows with laughter,” played as a massive light show filled the room. Then suddenly the floor began to lift Ratie up higher and higher. And as it did the ceiling peeled away and she lifted up and out. Then it stopped and she was on a large balcony and could see for miles in every direction. There appeared a dark skinned man in a black robe named Narfri Donec. He had stark white hair and light blue eyes that had a kindness to them. He was 5’11” and 186 pounds with narrow shoulders and a large chest. He also had large hands and size 18 feet. He also had on tan sandals and a glowing computer necklace that was voice activated, as

  well as a white ivory square earring in his left ear that had the words,” Only a chance is worth taking,” carved into it.

  “ Hello there, Miss, you have truly climbed a mountain today. I am Narfri and you are?” asked Narfri warmly as he smiled calmly at Ratie.

  “ Ratie, nice to meet you. That was very charming about the mountain and climbing it, because it was such a hard thing to do and well, I can’t believe I made it. And quite frankly, it wore old Ratie out in every sense of the word,” said Ratie then she let out a sigh and smiled at Narfri.

  “ Was it worth the trip?” asked Narfri warmly as he looked at the view and motioned in a circle with his hand.

  “ OH god yes, it’s very beautiful up here. I just can’t believe this amazing view and yes, I can appreciate it in a big way. So, what do we do now, I mean that prizes and all?” asked Ratie bluntly then Narfri smiled and she laughed and said brightly,” caught you off guard didn’t it, Narfri.”

  “ A bit yes, but if you must know we have to wait and see if anyone found Soutac, because if they did they will have earned half the prizes,” said Narfri as he put his arms behind his back and grinned.

  “ Oh, so I may only get half, that’s right I forgot about that. Huh, I hope it’s not Ohgood who finds it or I’ll never hear the end of it. Gosh, that would be terrible,” said Ratie as she thought of Ohgood rubbing it in her face and grimaced.

  Then everyone on the mountain was rounded up by staff and brought to the top of the mountain. Everyone saw Ratie and smiled except for Ohgood who looked sad.

  “ Hey, Ohgood, are you happy your little sis won the whole thing?” asked Ratie as she smiled slyly and slapped her thigh.

  “ I would be if I hadn’t found this handsome devil, well the devil part’s not confirmed. Go ahead and give him a kiss,” said Ohgood sternly as he pushed the Soutac towards Ratie’s face.

  Ratie pulled back quick and put her hands up to block it and said as she grimaced,” Keep that disgusting thing away from me, god what a sick looking guy he must’ve been.”

  “ I thought he’d be just your type. Look he smiles a lot and he’s shorter than you. Please, he’s a cheap date I bet he doesn’t take 2 bites all night,” said Ohgood jokingly then he kissed the cheek of the Soutac and said slyly,” Isn’t that right handsome, you’d love a little Ratie.”

  “ Well you can forget that ever happening, even if he was a full body I’d pass on you leather head,” said Ratie as she crinkled her nose and frowned with a slight smile.

  “ O.K. then, Ratie, and Ohgood, the award ceremony will begin. Now since there were 2 winners you each hold a Sempank coin in your hands and the first person to have it turn green and glow will get the suit of armor and the other the gold coins,” said Narfri warmly as he pulled out a 10 inch long black leather rectangular case from his pocket.

  Sempank coins are
covered in a thin red paint that will change colors when held and are round in shape with the face of Gomagen on the front.

  Gomagen is a renowned wizard from the Iliduc people in the island of Tatbar. He was the wizard who cast the spell removing tornados from Permea for all time. He also cast a spell that allowed himself to fly and be completely invisible. The Iliduc had a phrase,” Gomagen keeps our desperation only a memory and our love filled days a cherished friend.”

  “ Interesting, well I hope you like gold coins, Ohgood, cause Ratie’s luck if too great to be stopped,” said Ratie slyly as she grinned at Ohgood.

  Then Narfri opened the case and said,” Please choose one and hold it tightly in your hand.”

  “ Go ahead, Ratie, I wanna see this luck in action,” said Ohgood as he pointed to the coin on the left and smirked.

  Ratie looked at the 2 coins and then quickly grabbed the one on the right and said,” Gold coins, Ohgood, gold coins.”

  “ That suit of armor looks just about my size. Let’s see if there’s a hole in the sun, I’ll take a little luck,” said Ohgood then he grabbed the past coin and began squeezing it.

  Within a few seconds suddenly Ohgood’s hand began to glow green and Ratie let out a sigh and said sadly,” What kind of poop is that? How do you always beat me at everything?” asked Ratie as she gently hit Ohgood’s arm.

  “ I can’t help it my supreme skill at everything known to man. I can only say it’s a good relent to have. Alright, bring on the suit of golden armor,” said Ohgood loudly as he spun in a circle and waved his arms.

  Then Narfri handed Ohgood a brown leather box filled with the suit of armor. And then gave Ratie the gold coins in a leather sack and Narfri asked,” May I have your pictures for the winners wall?”

  “ You may indeed,” said Ratie softly.

  “ Absolutely,” said Ohgood then Narfri took a picture of the 2 of them with Ohgood pretending to be eating Ratie’s head.